Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
