we have pet lesbian snakes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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