no, he came in my armpit
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
