I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
