I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
