Whod you bang
with your own penis?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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