i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
