No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
