I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am available for nakedness
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
