I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
