I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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