they need to just BURY HIM!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
