I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
