i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
