I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
