Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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