no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
