I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
