i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
