oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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