If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
