You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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