I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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