apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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