He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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