oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize