when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
