Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
