So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
