just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
