I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize