on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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