There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my poor anus
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
