She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
