i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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