No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
