I don't think brook has ever known best
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
