the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
