we're blogging at a bar
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
