I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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