don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
