I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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