I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize