I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
