Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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