he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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