you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
