I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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