I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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