last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can't turn off my feet"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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