i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
