i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
