my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
