Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
time to smoke my breakfast
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize