yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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