He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
