32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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