so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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