based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
