i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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