a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
