How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize