Can i not drive my cunt home
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize