Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
