You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This baby is an asshole
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
